Meet Douglas
"High school was really hard for Douglas," Kelly remembers of her son's teenage years. "There was such a significant lack of understanding and training at his school around what kids with autism require. And overall, there was a pervasive attitude that Douglas just didn't belong there and wasn't wanted."
Douglas, now 33 years old, has autism. He cannot read, write or speak and lives day-to-day trying to manage his community-based aggression.
"He will hit or smack people and back in the day when he was even more frustrated, he would kick and head butt," Kelly describes. "Early in Elementary School when he would act out, the teachers would send him home—which is ultimately where Douglas wanted to be because he loves being at home. So it set in motion a cycle of him acting out at school and getting sent home. It became a pattern we couldn't break loose from."
As Douglas approached graduation, Kelly and her husband were overwhelmed with the prospect of supporting Douglas at home as there were no other options available to him.
"Parents worry about their child with autism being in elementary school or high school, but you have 60 years after they finish school that you need to figure out. That realization doesn't hit you until your child graduates from high school and then you ask, "What's next?" It's one of the scariest moments when you finally look up and see this huge horizon in front of you."
No program would take Douglas on because of his behavioural challenges, so Kelly tried to build a program for him in their family home—an endeavour that proved as challenging as it was exhausting. One day, she heard rumblings that PALS was opening a daily program for adults to complement its highly successful elementary and high school education program. She jumped at the chance to get Douglas involved.
"PASS Daily has changed our lives. Success for Douglas looks like going to PASS and being able to stay there for the whole day. All we were looking for is a place where he would be accepted, and welcomed, just as he is, and supported to grow in ways that are unique to him."
Affectionately known at PASS as Dougie, Kelly's son is an avid participant in the things he loves and is learning to overcome obstacles he has long struggled with.
"Ironically Douglas loves a party or social gatherings in familiar places and typically is quite well behaved. In elementary school his participation in any of the music concerts or theatre shows was very limited and only occurred because of the effort of his support staff—it was heartbreaking to watch as a parent.” Kelly says. "Early on at PASS Daily they would work forever on these musical concerts and then put on a show for the parents. I remember watching the first one in tears. Doug was up there doing it and getting to be a part of it. It was never a consideration by the staff of PASS Daily that Doug would not be an active full participant of the performance.
It hasn't all been easy though. Four years ago when a PASS Team Member that Dougie was particularly attached to moved away from Vancouver, he regressed into his old pattern of physical outbursts.
"The PASS Team wouldn't give up on him even though I probably would have. They got a behavioural therapist involved and she tried everything. After trying countless options, they finally found a way to motivate Dougie to let go of those behaviours. It was a tailor-made solution just for him—one that probably wouldn't have worked well for most adults with autism. But it worked for him."
"I think that's what means the most to me about PASS—that they take him as he is and love him as he is." She pauses and a smile crosses her face, "And wouldn't you know it, they've never called me to pick him up early once."